well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
