His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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