I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
We had sex on a dog bed..
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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