This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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