brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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