I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
