im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
My dick has a subreddit
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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