You made me cry and you don't even care
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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