I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
