I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
