just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
