I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
