sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
