I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
