Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize