Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
BRING THE BAGELS
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
