How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
