he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
