even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
