We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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