I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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