thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
