he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Randomize
