I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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