I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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