just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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