Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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