Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
