it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
