Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize