my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
