this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Someone shattered a urinal.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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