I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
where am i from again
cat food counts as protein by the way
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
