He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
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