It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
