I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
