I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
