yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
