The maid of honor just puked.
she was so not down for the gang bang
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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