There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
handjob tips. give me some.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
