i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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