Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
