He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
