after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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