And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
