maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
