I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
