I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
my shit smells like andre
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
