Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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