my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
