Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
