Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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