The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
