I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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