Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
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