Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
