I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
