Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
