well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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