very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
my phone needs a breathalizer
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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