I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize