i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
