Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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