thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
