nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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