Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
