the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize