you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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